JOIN US AT OUR MAIN LOCATION
www.FindingGodOnTheTrain.com
Connect on Twitter @GodOnTheTrain
Facebook www.facebook.com/GodOnTheTrain
Like many families, a highlight of the fall season, for us, is a visit to a small farm with a pumpkin patch. to test our skills traversing the cornfield maze, listening to the grandkids laugh with excitement as they speed down an underground slide cleverly carved out of the side of a small hill, watch the pigs race and stop in mid-scamper to nibble a bit of the hay, and of course load onto a tracker pulled cart for a ride to the pumpkin patch, to pick this season’s to be carved Halloween companion.
Yet the trip this year was different, it was the birthday of Ann’s father who had died a few years ago after a three-year battle with a stroke. Ann loved her father dearly, his kindness, positive personality, and sheer love of life made him the center of her world. He loved the Green Bay Packers and taught her, at an early age, to love football. Most of all, she loved to listen to him play his guitar and sing.
One of Ann’s favorite childhood memories had to do with her father playing the traditional folk song, made famous by the Carter family, Wildwood Flower. They shared a sort of ritual, with Ann gleefully asking for her favorite song – calling out “play Wildwood Rose, daddy, play Wildwood Rose. “Runt” her father would say with a smile - using his nickname for his tiny, shy, fragile daughter - truly the runt of the family litter - “you know it's called Wildwood Flower, Runt," as he would begin to play and light up his adoring daughter’s smile.
I could see Ann’s well-concealed melancholy as she gladly performed the role of the excited Nana laughing, running, and enjoying the day with the grandchildren. I could also see the strain of an excruciating week that began with a phone call Tuesday morning from the Women’s Health Center at our local hospital. The caller informed Ann that there was an issue with the Mammogram she had taken the week before, there was an asymmetry detected, and the doctor wanted her in for a more extensive Mammogram, along with an Ultrasound - both being scheduled for Thursday afternoon.
When I received the call from Ann, I knew instantly something was seriously wrong, prompting me to ask what had happened even before she relayed the details of her call. You often hear it said that it is one call that changes your life forever, as I caught my breath and emotions I realized this might be the call. I asked Ann to go over the Women’s Health Center call word for word, questioning whether the caller had explained what “asymmetry” actually meant. With her voice trembling Ann said she was really frightened because it had been several years since she had scheduled her annual mammogram. She worried out loud asking, “have I waited too long and now this,” as her voice trailed off.
The retest was scheduled for Thursday, a full two days off, an eternity when you are waiting to determine your fate. Ann said, she would call and ask if it was possible to reschedule it sooner because two days was just too long to wait. I got off the phone and went onto Google to understand what “asymmetry” actually meant in lay terms, and soon realized that asymmetry referred to the mass of one breast was larger than the other, a sign that there was an issue that required more extensive retesting and usually an Ultrasound.
The internet doctor’s attempted to mitigate the fear and panic that had understandably overtaken most of the women, as they searched for some hope to deal with the terror of waiting for the retest. The sites were full of women baring their souls, as their mind’s bombarded them with every worst-case scenario conceivable. All caught in a what can only be called a hellish limbo.
Thankfully, Ann had called and gotten the test moved up one day, as I could hear the nervous panic beginning to take its toll. Ann knew it would be the longest twenty-four hours of her life. Mind control is difficult enough when there are no pressing health issues, but often impossible when the verdict is still out.
The human mind is hardwired to prepare for the worst, and in this case, it meant cancer, surgery, and possible death. Ann who understands all the modern mind control approaches admits that she lost control early on as her mind prepared her for cancer, getting the family ready for her death, and planning the videos for the grandchildren to be watched as they grew up without her.
By evening, I could see that Ann needed a rest, so I suggested that she take her migraine medicine to knock the fear and the worry out for the night. Before she drifted off to sleep, we held each other and prayed. Ann would tell me later that she prayed to her angels. Ann also asked her dad for a sign that he was there with her and would protect her through this ordeal.
I woke up and wrote Ann the note below striving to bring hope and faith back into what was fast becoming one of the worst experiences imaginable. As we worked to get the courage to get up and face the day, Ann turned and said, “I am going to say a bad word, really, I am going to say a bad word.” This is something quite uncommon for Ann – so she paused as if to gain the courage and said – "this is a bitch!"
With this word, I felt the air clear and Ann seemed to release the pent-up fear as her breath became peaceful. I said with all the strength I could muster, "I cannot agree more – it is truly a bitch!" Ann looked at me and said peacefully, "I am ready now, I have told my mind that it has had its say, and I am now prepared to go on with strength and not as a victim. "
I drove Ann to work, trying to convince her to take the morning off. Ann said she would be crazy having nothing to do. I would pick her up at 2 PM and drive her to the Women’s Center a few blocks from her office. I told her that I loved her and that I firmly believed all was going to be ok, she said she trusted my connection and hoped so. So did I.
She said with a touch of sadness in her voice, “you know what is the most troubling thing about this, is that I might have prevented this if I had only had my routine screening. I was always too busy; I canceled my appointment over and over because I was busy at work. If I get another chance, I will never miss or postpone my annual screening.” All I could do was nod my head in agreement.
We arrived at the Women’s Health Center building, a state of the art facility recently constructed to focus on medical issues unique to women. There was an older couple also waiting patiently and we watched as the women kissed her husband and nervously made her way to the exam rooms. Ann went through the process with me – she would go in and have her Mammogram, and then an Ultrasound, and would come out to get me when the doctor reviewed the test results. Ann told me not to worry because they were backed up and it might take longer than expected.
I kissed her and said that I would be there waiting for her. I could see the panic making its way, but she regained composure and went in for the tests. I prayed, waited and tried to read. About an hour into the procedure Ann called me, and said she had already finished the extensive Mammogram and was waiting for the Ultrasound, asking me not to worry.
After what must have been another forty minutes, I look up, and Ann is coming towards me with an amazing smile of joy on her face. “I am ok; the doctor said I am ok. It was a lump in the Mammogram but it did not show up on the Ultrasound." The compassionate doctor had walked into the exam room as soon as he got the positive results and said to Ann – “First things first – you are ok!” Ann was ok and in an instant life, hope, future, family, all restored.
As we were driving home, Ann said, “you know the women who went in before me – she was sitting with her husband when we arrived." I nodded, and Ann continued, "well when I shared with her that I had missed getting my Mammogram last year, she confided that she had not had a Mammogram for over ten years. She was worried because they had just retested her a second time before I talked with her and she was waiting for the doctor to go over the results together with her husband. Like me, she was so worried that she might have made a dreadful mistake.” I listened, knowing full well, that we could have just as easily been on the wrong side of this message.
Later, Ann and I agreed not to publish this story on the blog, but by the weekend, Ann had asked me to publish the story so others who may have delayed getting their breast exams, would not delay further and get them done now. She felt it was an important message. She looked at me and said – “we need to understand how lucky we are and be grateful.” I do, and I am.
So back to our Sunday fall outing visit to the pumpkin patch. It had been several days since the retest - we are tired, but happy, to be alive and well. The grandkids eye an antique carousel – a merry-go-round in a large barn at the top of the hill, complete with painted horses, moving up and down, with the music and mirrors reflecting the pastoral scenes - so we make our way to enjoy a ride.
No one else is waiting so we have the carousel to ourselves. The baby is propped up on a horse, with dad and mom holding firm, the nine-year-old independently picks his steed as Ann’s younger daughter opts to sit on the stagecoach type seats, and Ann finds a horse just in front of the stagecoach, getting on for the ride. I am videoing the scene, thinking that I am grateful beyond words for this moment. Again, I realize for Ann it is her dad’s birthday, and all of this must be bittersweet.
Ann gets off her horse during the ride to join her daughter in the open stagecoach. Since I am busy videoing on my phone, and not paying close attention, I have to rely on Ann’s account of what happens next. As they sat in the stagecoach, taking in the ride, Ann looked at the horse that she had originally been riding, noticing a name on the back of its saddle. Tears came to her eyes when she realized the name painted in hand-lettered calligraphy on that saddle was – Wildwood Flower. Ann told her daughter to look at the saddle, as they both began to cry, remembering having heard their dad and granddad play the song countless times. They snapped the photo I used to start this piece as a lasting memory of a magical moment.
After the ride, Ann looked at me and said, "it is the sign I asked for, it is the sign, it is my daddy, and it is his birthday, and now I know he is with me." I agreed, fully overcome with goosebumps.
WELLNESS, ONENESS, WHOLENESS
Today reflect on thoughts of wholeness
knowing you are a being conceived in
wellness, oneness, complete and lasting
perfect form missing nothing, lacking
nothing, always returning to a state of
profound health.
Today reflect on thoughts of God’s grace,
knowing you are not alone – able to turn
your concerns over for divine assistance –
freeing your heart and mind from
needless worry or doubt – filled instead
with confidence that existing issues
will be resolved in your favor.
Today reflect on thoughts of abundance,
prosperity, and the love that surrounds
you, supports you, enfolds you – knowing
your strength is mighty, your power to
manifest is without limits, your future is
long and stretches out ahead of you full
of peace, joy, love, and happiness –
wondrous, splendid, and magnificent.
Thank you for reading.
WITH LOVE,
G. and Ann