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I have not wandered into cyberspace for over a month literally
abandoning my blog Finding God On The Train and my related
facebook page. Instead I have spent the holidays extending my
life by undergoing unexpected Coronary Artery Bypass Graft
(CABG) Surgery. As with all my major medical challenges
it has turned out to be an opportunity for spiritual growth and
renewal. Here is my Holiday CABG story.
THE STRESS TEST
On Friday, December 2, 2011 I drove to my stress test appointment
after my wife had badgered the medical community to move up the
date of the test by two weeks. As I walked into the building I felt the
tightness in my chest evolve into a measurable pain. These chest
pains actually started over six months ago and my primary care doctor
was sure I was just out of shape and needed more exercise, but my
wife Ann knew better.
I only made it through half the treadmill test before my heart felt
like it was going to explode, and no more than ten minutes later
I was sitting in front of my Cardiologist who said that he wanted
to take me directly to the the Catheterization Lab and see what might
be corrected without surgery. At the same time he was preparing
to keep me in the hospital for fear that I might have a major heart
attack at any time over the weekend which would require emergency
heart surgery. Ann, who works for the hospital had been notified and
was on her way.
There was no time for my mind to assimilate all that was occurring
as my ego began questioning, how could it be so bad? I had been a
runner for ten years, and I had been a vegetarian for the past three
years? On the other hand, I had lived an affluent life style that involved
a great deal of fine dining and I had been seriously overweight for at
least seven years of my adult life. Maybe this was not such a surprise
after all.
TO THE CATH LAB
My wife had raced through the hospital and arrived out of breath with
a worried look on her face as her worse fears were coming to life.
Ann had been tracking the procedure all morning by calling the staff
and knew that when I was sent to the Cardiologist, and not sent home,
there must be major issues. We were then transported to the Cath lab
and I was prepped. During the procedure, I knew something strange
was happening because no one said a word - the team starred into the
monitors with my heart in full screen. A nurse touched my shoulder
and said sympathetically, relax, you are in good hands now.
My shocked Cardiologist finally turned to me and said, "George, this is
worse than I had expected. I thought I put in a stent or two and we
would all be on our way. You have seven severely blocked arteries
and it would take me eight hours to even resolve a few of these. I am
asking our surgical team to be prepared for emergency CABG surgery
over the weekend if needed, if not, then we will schedule the surgery
for Monday." Ann heard the same story directly from my doctor in the
waiting area, who made it clear my heart was severely damaged and
Coronary Artery Bypass Graft Surgery was needed immediately. Ann,
who also thought that they would put in a few stents to clear an artery,
was also stunned.
Those who have followed my blog and have read the excerpts of Finding
God On The Train, the book which I have published on the blog, know
that I have recently been no stranger to surgery having had a Cervical
Fusion in 2007, a Pituitary Tumor removed in 2009, and a Lumbar
Fusion in 2010 - in total over thirty hours of extensive surgery - but
this bypass operation was coming on much too fast for me. All of my
previous surgeries were performed at a large regional Medical Center
with an affiliated School of Medicine about a hour south on I 95. At
this same medical center I also have an Endocrinologist who has
managed my Adrenal Insufficiency which resulted after the removal
of my Pituitary Tumor and requires careful monitoring of my Cortisol
levels and its related impact on my blood pressure, especially in high
stress situations like surgery.
HERE OR THERE
Ann and I decided to stay at the local hospital and not risk an hour long
ambulance ride to the regional hospital since we did not know any of the
heart surgeons on staff there and except for the adrenal issue this was
a fairly routine procedure. Ann and I also knew the care would be
excellent and since our Cardiologist was affiliated with this facility we
felt comfortable with staying.
Immediately, a room was assigned and a massive dose intravenous
blood thinners were administered along with Potassium and other life
saving nutrients prescribed by my Cardiologist who worked diligently
to help me make it through the weekend without a heart attack. So we
would stay the weekend, meet the heart surgeon, work out the surgery
details, and have the surgery on Monday morning.
A CABG FOR CHRISTMAS
It was Friday night and we prepared to spend the weekend notifying
family and friends of my latest medical struggle - I would be getting a
CABG for Christmas. We also realized that had Ann not moved up the
stress test we would have been attending the Andrea Bocelli concert in
DC at the Verizon Center that very night, where I could have quite
possibly died of a massive heart attack. I thanked Ann for her courage
and commitment, stepping out of the confines of our no interference
relationship and taking charge.
I met with the surgeon twice over the weekend who had just started
working at the hospital but assured me that this was a fairly standard
procedure that he had successfully handled hundreds of similar cases.
I explained the details of my Cortisol issue and felt confident giving this
new team a chance.
For me what was most important was connecting with God and
preparing my mind for the journey ahead. During meditation I realized
that this heart issue needed to be corrected in order for me to go on
with my work. How would I ever be able to travel with a heart ready
to explode? On the disconcerting side, I realized that I was fielding a
number of thoughts about why I was not returning to the Regional
Hospital for this CABG procedure, since all my past operations had gone
so smoothly. The fear and doubt took shape as I questioned whether
this team had the level of expertise needed for my care.
Ann and I prepared ourselves with positive thoughts and affirmations,
envisioning the outcomes - seeing a full and healthy life awaiting for us
after the surgery. Sunday night we watched the CABG patient
preparation videos and I took one of two showers I would need before
the surgery which had now been scheduled for 11:00 AM the next
morning.
I was given a sleeping pill to help me sleep but I could not get to sleep.
When I closed my eyes I kept seeing faces of those who appeared to have
been in pain, all trying to communicate something to me. As I watched
I realized that they were imploring me not to go ahead with the surgery.
For two hours these visions freaked me out - leaving it for me to
determine if these were the faces of my fear or reason. To counteract
this mental mayhem I repeated affirmations, focused on more positive
topics until I finally went to sleep.
SURGERY DAY
I woke up at dawn and it was operation day, Monday December 5, 2011.
To alleviate the fear I meditated and wrote Ann the following
Affirmative Thought.
ONTO VICTORY
I affirm and establish now the physical,
surgical, and spiritual success of this
undertaking knowing God, Jesus, and
all the angels and souls of heaven are
cheering us onto victory and ensuring a
perfect outcome of health, wholeness, and
continued life.
I affirm and establish now my complete
and unharnessed love for you my dear
wife, companion, friend, lover, and
spiritual partner knowing we are one
now and forever with a lifetime of
joy, peace, love, and happiness waiting
for us as we do God's work creating
heaven on earth.
I love you with every cell - with my
full soul and thank God for the gift
of you in my life.
AT 12.5.11
As I gained control of my fears, all things were in order for a successful
surgery. As my bed was wheeled to the operating prep room we said
hello to the staff that we knew along the way, feeling good about our
decision and ready to get going. We talked, laughed, and joked with
all the staff who would be performing or participating in the surgery.
The Anesthesiologist remarked that our positive attitudes would be
an essential ingredient towards the success of the operation. Since our
surgeon was still in surgery, he would be the the last to arrive. I had
chosen this team and I was now committed to going forward no matter
what my mind would lead me to believe - no panic, only balance.
BUMPED
After an extended wait, Ann and I started to wonder about
the delay. The Anesthesiologist popped in and asked us - "have you
heard? "- we shook our heads no - "your surgery has been bumped."
Ann and I looked at each other in disbelief and said in unison -
how can we be bumped from an operation? The charge nurse came
in with the full story. An older women suffering from a massive heart
attack had come through the emergency room that morning, had gone
to the Cath Lab and needed immediate surgery to stay alive so she
was given our slot. We would be bumped until Tuesday morning. Ann
was noticeably upset, but for some reason I felt relieved, like I had been
given another chance at life, as if I has experiencing an intervention.
Ann left the room to express her concern with hospital staff, but the
nurse who had prepared me for the operation turned to me and looked
me directly into my eyes - it was an intense and powerful gaze. She said
slowly and loudly so I would understand each word - "In my career
I have found that when things like this happen it is divine intervention."
I broke out in goose bumps and I said what I felt - "I am sure you are
right". At that moment I was sure she was right. As I was wheeled back
into my hospital room my mind was racing. Was this the hand of God
actually intervening to assist me in some way, to give me a second
chance?
Normally, I would have joined Ann in her anger over having been
taken up to the last moment and then delayed. Similar to agreeing to
sky dive, getting on the plane and only seconds before you are to
jump being told it would be rescheduled for the next day. But I didn't
feel angry only grateful to be given a second chance.
WAKE UP CALL
Ann decided to get away and go get something to eat with our daughters,
and I started making calls informing family and friends of the delay. As I
spoke with my brother Stephen, he said, "If you were not an emergency,
I could not imagine who would be. " Suddenly the following thought
came to me - it was clear and direct:
George, wake up. This was not an accident. You need
to leave this hospital, move to the hospital you are familiar
with, and reschedule the surgery now. Do not go on with
the surgery here! Your life depends on this move. Listen now!
I got off the phone with my brother and felt as if my world was spinning.
Never have I received such direct and clear communication. I didn't even
know the name of a heart surgeon at the other facility as I grabbed for
my iPhone to look up the heart program at the other hospital. Wow, this
would be a major incident - Ann worked for this hospital so how would
I explain leaving without making a lot of people angry. But the voice in
my head chimed in again and said "it is not your concern - you must
move to the other hospital."
Ann called and I told her my thoughts - she was visibly upset and angry
as would be expected. Although she did not agree she told me that the
Cardiologist would have to arrange the move - so I would need to give
him the call. I told my Cardiologist that I had been prepared to have
my surgery by this new team and was five minutes away from surgery
before being bumped. But since I was given this extra time, I would
like to move to the hospital that had done my past surgeries.
A CHANGE OF VENUE
My Cardiologist, although concerned about the move, quickly
recommended the Head of Cardiac Surgery and agreed to call him
personally and brief him on the case. The regional hospital was a
nationally known center of Heart Surgery Excellence best known
for its work with heart transplants. The move was set in motion and
later that night I was sent my ambulance down I95 to the new hospital.
It was Monday night- I had begun this odyssey on Friday morning.
Ann was still upset but supportive and I am sure this action was the
talk of the hospital - but, after all, this was my life and my decision.
I arrived at the new Heart Center at about 11:45 PM Monday night and
spent the next day meeting surgeons and preparing for the operation.
Considered one of the top heart centers and teaching hospitals in the
in the country, the resources were overwhelming and the surgery was
scheduled for Wednesday morning at 7:30 AM. I had time
to meet with my Endocrinologist who would personally monitor the
Cortisol issue and its impact on blood pressure.
I also had a chance to make it clear that I did not want the arteries in
my arms to be used because I play guitar and did not want to risk
loosing the feeling in my hands. My surgeon, a marathon runner,
admitted that often the feeling is lost in the hands when arteries are
used from the arms and he agreed to focus on my legs for his artery
supply. I asked how he planned to correct all seven blocked arteries
and he explained that the latest approach was to do a bypass for each
heart quadrant instead of ffocusing on individual arteries, he planned
to do three but might need to cover four quadrants.
I got to meet the key staff that would work on the the surgery, each in
his or her own way telling me that the procedure although unique for
me was a routine one for them. By the end of the day on Tuesday
everyone was prepared and ready to move forward. My Endocrinologist
had conferred with the surgeon so there was no chance of a slip up in
that area. Ann spent the night on a recliner that looked like it would fall
apart before morning as we prepared for our second surgery of the
week. I went to sleep without sleeping pills and had no reservations,
I had make the best decision - no matter what the outcome.
SURGERY - SECOND ATTEMPT
We started surgery day at 5:00 AM preparing with the nurses on the
floor for the surgery, laughing and joking as they fixed a heart shaped
pad on my butt to help with sliding me on and off various transport
tables. I felt great and we were then wheeled into the surgical prep area
where we would meet the surgical team that would be participating.
One nurse actually grew up in Staunton, Virginia, and another was a
Packer's fan, which made Ann very happy. I agreed to participate in a
research project which would aid health care for soldiers on the
battlefield.
My surgeon visited and outlined the details of the operation. I would
be in the operating room at 7:30 AM and within a few minutes the
anesthesia would be in full force. The operation would take roughly
three to five hours and by twelve noon I would be wheeled out to the
ICU for recovery. My surgeon reiterated that this was a routine surgery
for them and all would go smoothly. I remember being wheeled in to
the massive modern surgical facility full of support staff and doctors as
the drugs were already taking effect . It was 7:30 AM and I was ready to
rock and roll.
AN ICU ADVENTURE
As anyone knows who has had surgery, once you overcome your fear and
show up it is all a matter of falling asleep and waking up with it all
over. I woke up in an ICU bed with the breathing tube inserted as the
critical care nurses discussed the events that had taken place the night
before. I could see the clock directly in front of me on the wall and it
read 7:05. At first I was sure the clock was wrong but if it was seven at
night why was the morning light streaming through the window. It
finally hit me - oh my God, I have been out for 24 hours. I thought of
Ann and the agony of having to deal with me still under in ICU for an
entire 24 hour period. The question was - what went wrong and was it
now ok?
The nursing staff kept talking about what a crazy night it had been,
one of the wildest in their memories. My routine surgery, I realized
had tuned out to be anything but routine. My surgeon would tell me
that there had been a major surprise during the surgery, they had
discovered a hole in my heart where blood must of been moving
through uncleaned all my life which could have been a source of my
frequent my headaches and would have possibly caused a future stroke.
The surgeon went onto fix the hole and also decided he would need to
do a bypass for each of the four impacted quadrants.
Even with this the surgical team was on schedule and as planned,
around twelve noon the Anesthesiologist wheeled me from the
operating room into ICU feeling quite positive about my blood
pressure levels. No sooner sooner had he moved through the ICU
door than my blood pressure levels had started to fall for no apparent
reason. This was not a real surprise since we had all prepared for my
Cortisol levels to drop and create this issue. A test of my Cortisol
levels was completed and they called in my Endocrinologist to
determine the next step. But the Cortisol test came back positive,
there was nothing wrong with my Cortisol levels - my body was
producing enough Cortisol and there was no need to administer
Hydrocortisone. This baffled the surgery team until my
Endocrinologist realized that my Pituitary Gland must have been
so damaged by the past tumor surgery and it was misreading my
Cortisol levels - reading the actual low levels as positive.
Taking a leap of faith that only an experienced Endocrinologist familiar
with my history would have been professionally willing to risk - he
ordered that I be injected with the maximum dose of Hydrocortisone.
He was right, it had ben a false positive, an my Cortisol levels were
dangerously low, and as a result my blood pressure began to rise
and my life had been saved. Later when this was discussed most of
the team admitted that without the leap of faith based on my
Endocrinologist's experience no surgical team would have gone on
to administer the injection of life saving Hydrocortisone and my
blood pressure would have continued to fall as they searched for
other solutions. I would have died in either surgery or the ICU with
a baffled medical staff wondering what actually happened. To me this
was one very clear demonstration of why the move to this hospital
had saved my life.
It would have been a fitting end to our story except that after my
blood pressure was put under control and I began to shake
uncontrollably and this would be isolated to lactic acid levels in my
body and require my surgeon and the head of ICU to try to solve
how to lower these levels and stop the shaking. The solution was
found after hours of analysis, research, and experimentation.
Another life threatening situation was adverted through sheer
dedication by committed health care professionals.
FINAL WORDS
I believe I am alive today because of my connection with spirit
and my ability to be open to the signs, guidance, and miracles offered
to me by a connected universal consciousness or God. I know this is
true without doubt or question. I hope you have enjoyed my Holiday
CABG story and I look forward to returning to my blog and facebook
with a renewed energy. I would like to close with this post with an
Affirmative Thought I wrote after the surgery while recuperating in
the hospital and I hope it conveys my debt of gratitude to all those
medical professionals who dedicate their lives to extending our lives.
SYMPHONY OF HEALING
Even within the confusion of the morning's
striving for order and assistance to others
in need of care - there is the intention of
good built within the framework of every
action - tender hands reaching out to soothe
hurt bodies and overwhelmed souls.
Even within the pleas for assistance there
are confident, loving caregivers who
move forward God's plan for mercy -
work as the hands and feet of God offering
more even when less could be the best
ever hoped for - joining in the symphony
of healing, wholeness - the pursuit of oneness -
this God made manifest through man.
AT 12.12.11
Thank you for reading.
With love.
George Bryant Cronk
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